talks?

it's been 2 complete weeks of bliss for me. another step further is all that's left to take. but that's a very big step. a step that can either make it or break it.

to be honest, i've never been this scared in my life before. i've never been this scared of ghosts also. but that's beside the point. there's a lot of factors to be considered. commitment, responsibility and such.

and after a long time being single and not dating, i, seriously, don't know what to do. and the fear of getting another heart broken. i know it's wrong to be pessimistic. but i'm just being realistic. and having past failed relationships doesn't help either. my previous relationship was a bit of a fucked type. my heart was shattered. and i dont want the same thing to happen to me.

but of course, she is really wonderful. a girl like her is impossible to find. i really really like her. but i'm not sure how much she likes me. it seems like she's okay with anything. it's like i dunno how she feels. i dunno what she wants. sometimes i wonder whether she's just being nice or she really likes me. it has been bugging me all night. and i didnt get much sleep. and that's bad cause i have to work, like now. fucking sleepy. this is one of the reason i'm scared of all these things. it was like 1 month ago, i was so carefree. and now my mind is boggled by all these thoughts. sigh.

and for the record, i dont have many chickies, like you alway say. i'm not some buaya who goes gaga over girls or wants to know any mary, jane and tina. i'm not some mat romeo that has like 1001 of different girls' contact number. and yeah i admit i look at girls. but i wasn't fucking them with my eyes. i'm not some hot stuff. i'm just average eric. but all i can do is to work to earn your trust, like you said.

this is the first time i'm feeling happy/sad/confused/lost all at the same time. i really like you. but i'm just insecure. i hope all of these will result in something and nothing. and i edited this shit for like 3 times. can i just like leave this fucking thing alone?

sigh.